The Greät IKEÄ Ëxpërïmënt – Däy Önë

The Greät IKEÄ Ëxpërïmënt – Däy Önë

By RiggzWednesday - June 27th, 2012Categories: Awesome, In The Field, OriginalsTags:, , ,

Well, it’s actually happening. The Greät IKEÄ Ëxpërïmënt is underway and to kick off Day 1 of our six day journey, to see if this mom & pop shop called IKEA is the most “livable” furniture store in the world, we’ve invited along a special guest judge: CatRoommate’s resident “Jinius”. So, without further ado, let’s see how Day 1 went down… both figuratively and digestively.


When I think Sweden-slash-food, I think fish… and meatballs… but today I thought FISH! Knowing that between the three of us we’d be able to cover a large spectrum of food, I took it upon myself to order the dish least likely to be picked by anyone else: North Atlantic Saithe crusted white fish served with mashed potatoes and carrots ($4.99). As a side, I picked up two spinach & potato ($1.99) medallions. And for desert, chocolate almond cake ($1.29).

My first thought was… why is it that I’ve never had South Atlantic fish? Is that a territory fishermen dare not go? Did we make a deal with Poseidon that I’m unaware? My second thought… this is pretty good. I could tell that the mashed potatoes were heavily salted, but I’d prefer shamelessly oversalted foods to bland ones. The carrots were okay. I mean, they’re carrots so what can you do, really? The fish, on the other hand, was pretty excellent. The herb-crust was packed with flavor and the fish flaked nicely. The medallions were also a nice, if not simple, compliment to the rest of my meal. Imagine a potato ball with a hint of spinach taste mixed in.


As for the almond cake… my sweet sweet almond cake… I offered a taste to my fellow diners, but both declined, and secretly my heart sung. Moist. Layed with chocolate. Delicious. There’d be no scientific benefit to reviewing a slice of this cake every day… would there?


Bäng For Your Bück – 2.5 Swedish Models out of  5 




El Pollo Blando (Crispy chicken tenders served with french fries: $5.99)
Our first night dining at Ikea was met with a relatively lukewarm reception from yours truly. For my entree I decided to try the chicken tenders, a choice atypical for someone like myself (chicken tenders being such generic restaurant fare). Fortunately they didn’t particularly deviate from what you can expect from a chicken tender. I did like the crispiness without being overly dry. I also enjoy when I can’t tell if there’s a head or foot involved – I prefer an air of mystery when it comes to which part of a chicken I’m consuming.


The Double F
French fries are a pretty standard side; it’s difficult to make them terrible, but there’s some artform there. Sometimes fries can be undercooked, however these had a nice level of crisp; not too much, not too little. In the French language, french fries are called pommes frites – frites meaning “fries” and pommes translating to the word “apple”. This makes little sense unless you know that the french term for potato is pommes de terre, which translates to “apple of the earth”. The more you know.


Corrrrrrrnbread (Cornbread: $0.69):
It was supposed to be 99 cents for two, but they screwed the pooch on our order and not only charged us the 99 cents for two, but another 69 cents for an extra bread. Instead of going back and demanding a refund, I took the high road and stuffed sugar packets in my pockets.


Tracy Marrow aka Ice-T (Soft drink: $1 and free refills):
$1 and unlimited refills? C’moooooooon…


Truffle Cake (Chocolate truffle cake with whip cream: $0.99):
A tiny square, this bite-sized cake packed a lot of punch. Reminded me of fudge. Very rich, and, though seemingly small, enough to satiate the sweetest of tooths. Also, kinda cute looking.


Bäng for your Bück – I give it 7 Björkna serving bowls out of 10.


I’m a big spender. If I can’t order frivolous and overpriced items at a restaurant, then what’s the point of living in America? So, when I arrived at this Swedish furniture warehouse and took a look at the menu, I was disappointed. $1.99 for a heap of meatballs? 99 cents for penne marinara? My eyes scanned for the highest priced menu item. A half rack of ribs, fries, and cornbread for $7.99. Oh yea, baby, big pimpin’ spending G’s. I looked the Ikea lady right in the eyes and ordered this lavish meal. She slapped a giant half rack and fries on a plate and slid it over the counter. “Cornbread is over there,” she pointed at another counter. I plopped the corn muffin on my plate and took a nice whiff. It smelled of economy and efficiency. I looked back at her and could tell she was impressed. I also picked up an elderflower drink because I couldn’t pronounce it and took a chance.

When I sat down, I sipped on the 76 calorie elderflower juicebox first. Heavenly. For 99 cents, I was getting quite the taste. I should have paid double or triple. Then, I bit into the half-rack. Actually, not that bad! I was quite pleased. Normally, for 16 bucks, I can get dry and crunchy baby back ribs at TGI Fridays. These were well seasoned, sweet and tasty for half the price. The fries sucked. But, what can you expect? Not everyone can master the taste of Monsieur McDonald’s world famous fries. However, my favorite part of the meal, by far, was the cornbread. Why? It was tasty, yes, but I was thrilled to see that the check-out lady had charged us an extra 99 cents for the cornbread that was supposed to come with the meal! This display of incompetent capitalism made the trip very worthwhile.

Bäng for your Bück –
Ribs – Lots of Bang, not enough buck.
Fries – No Bang, not enough buck.
Elderflower Drink – Bang bang bang! not enough buck.
Cornbread – Bangarang! Buckaroo Bonzai!