Bite-Sized Reviews – Month of July

Bite-Sized Reviews – Month of July

By RiggzTuesday - August 2nd, 2011Categories: Movies, RantTags:, , , , ,

I watch a ton of movies for various reasons. In an effort to keep track of everything I’ve seen, I started writing them down. Then titles became reactions and reactions became “reviews”. Since I have them all lying around I figured I’d just do one big post here, in no particular order other than, arguably, the most popular first. Enjoy! Or don’t…

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Pt. 2 (2011)

“B-” – Well, I did it. I watched the entire Harry Potter franchise without reading any of the books. I wonder how many people like me there are out there… Anyway, Deathly Hallows Pt. 2 (HPDHP2?) continues the franchise tradition, since Goblet of Fire, of being confusing as hell if you can’t fill in all the blanks with important details from the book. Without those details, this movie might as well have been directed by Michael Bay*. That’s a compliment, because the action was frequent and a lot of fun. It was almost enough to make me forget about how painful and boring Deathly Hallows Pt. 1 (HPDHP1?) was to watch. That being said, I hate that everyone fires what amounts to “magic bullets”, that only kill characters that are supposed to die, but spare everyone that isn’t. Also, did anyone notice that Voldemort loses the final battle, because he confuses the meaning of a word? That’s right, He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named is defeated by diction. Oh well, I guess I should just go read the books now… except I worry that it’ll just make me like the movies even less.

*Why is ‘Robot Heaven’ endlessly mocked, but ‘Wizard Heaven’ is perfectly acceptable? Neither of those things have souls!

Super (2010)

“B-” – It’s fair to compare this to Kick-Ass so I will. Kick-Ass is better. If you have to choose see that instead. If you don’t have to choose, see this after. It’s not bad but… it just isn’t that fun to watch courtesy of graphic violence and one of the most awkward sexual encounters captured on film. On the plus side… KEVIN BACON!

Young Bruce Lee (2010)

“C+” – In short, it’s the heavily dramatized story of Bruce Lee’s youth in Hong Kong. Clearly his childhood wasn’t that interesting because this movie makes some pretty strange choices when it comes to what to tell and show about Bruce Lee. Does it completely gloss over his martial arts training? Yes. Does it, instead, over dramatize a fairly arbitrary birthday party for a relative? Yes. On the bright side. That’s it. The film is absurdly bright. I was squinting for half of it. Okay. Maybe that’s a little harsh. Umm… the recreation of mid-century Hong Kong is pretty cool and the actor who played Bruce Lee was the most convincing portrayer of the legend I’ve ever seen.

Hereafter (2010)

“C” – This movie’s tricky, because, on the surface, it appears to be the story of how three people from different parts of the world (read: USA & Europe) cope with death and having super powers (???), when it’s actually just a remake of Sleepless in Seattle. A major exception being that thousands didn’t have to die in a tsunami for Meg Ryan to settle down in the end of Sleepless in Seattle.

Let Me In (2010)

“A” – (recommend) The ONLY thing I have against this movie is that it’s practically a scene for scene remake of “Let The Right One In”, in that it takes an awesome movie (see it) and faithfully recreates it in English. Cinematically it did some new things but the script could’ve been credited to “Google Translate”.

Stay Tuned (1992)

“AAA+++” – Why isn’t this movie on all the time?!? During the film they’re surfing through channels and pass a shot of a monster speaking into the mic. It’s not up for more than a second, but in the credits that creature referred to as “Frankensteinfeld”. Perfect.

Island of Fire (1990)

“B” – This one’s tough to rate because most of it is so ridiculous. But then what am I comparing it to? Here’s just a few observations about this film.
– It’s essentially Shawshank Redemption; if Shawshank Redemption were a Taiwanese action film.
– In most regions the title is “Jackie Chan is The Prisoner”, but honestly he’s only in a handful of scenes (despite the dramatic intention of the film the end credits are still filled with bloopers)
– For whatever reason subtitles would appear when absolutely no one was speaking. This happened a lot during the film, often with comedic results. Also, towards the end, some characters are speaking broken, yet decipherable, English, but they are still subtitled (inaccurately mind you). Why is this, I wonder…

Bend It Like Beckham

“B” – A very enjoyable movie even though I find intolerant people intolerable; and this movie’s filled with them. Just let the girl play soccer! She’s not out jacking cars. The only reason she’d lie to you is because you’ve got your head up your ass about the society you’re living in. And if you’re so afraid that your daughter’s going to be influenced by the culture of her nation and peers instead of the culture of her tiny household then maybe you shouldn’t have immigrated to a place you thought was so terrible! huff huff Sorry… anyway, good movie!

[Seeing as how many of these there are (more than I’ve posted here) and how much I want to say about them, maybe this would be better suited as a weekly event. I’ll look into it.]

SUPER AWESOME OBSCURE BONUS REVIEW!!!

The Harimaya Bridge (2009)

“A” for the scenery of Japan contained within the film. “C+” for the rest… – It’s an American film about a man who bitterly travels to Japan to be a jerk to everyone (he harbors resentment toward the entire nation because they killed his dad in World War II…………………..). I hadn’t heard of it until the day I watched it and I doubt many people will ever hear about it. This movie is far from bad, but there was one thing about it I just couldn’t get past. EVERYWHERE THE MAIN CHARACTER GOES, HE WEARS BOTH BACKPACK STRAPS ON ONE SHOULDER!! WHY?!? It nearly drove me insane and was a constant throughout the entire movie considering he has that thing with him almost everywhere he goes. It’s downright masochistic…

Two Straps + One Shoulder = AAARRRGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!