Immediate Reactions: Pizza by the “Splice”

Immediate Reactions: Pizza by the “Splice”

By RiggzFriday - June 4th, 2010Categories: Movies, Rant

Half man, half pizza... the perfect hybrid...

[Immediate Reactions is my way of conveying how I felt about a movie using essentially whatever bullet points popped into my head while watching it.  It saves me time, and it saves you time.  Think of it as a review without any fluff and/or substance.  Enjoy!]

In all honesty, the title and picture has very little to do with my “review” of Splice.  What it IS evident of, though, is that I haven’t had lunch yet.  So let’s get through this quick so I can eat!

– “Parenting Parable”

Splice seems to hop around from theme to theme (at least one other, I’ll be discussing below), but what I got the most of was that “being a parent is tough”.  So tough, in fact, that if every decision you make about how to raise an infant or pet or potted plant is the wrong one, you may end up dead. DEAD.

– “Edgy/Generic”

This movie doesn’t appear conventional.  Every shot has a certain bleakness and the look of central creature, Dren, is pretty inspired.  Unfortunately, the script isn’t nearly as unique.  I won’t quote anything specifically here, because I didn’t write anything down while I was watching it, but suffice to say by the end of this movie I was pretty tired of everyone’s stupid face.

– “Rock Star Scientists”

Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley’s characters are supposed to be the best in their field.  That field being molecular biology.  They walk around like modern day celebrities or rock stars.  At one point they’re shown on the cover of “WIRED” magazine which apparently covers the latest breakthroughs in pharmaceutical experimentation.  This leads me to my next point…

– “Scientist  as a Generic Term”

What do they think a molecular biologist does?  At one point Sarah Polley’s character insists they must take the experiment further to study the psychological development of their creation.  Hmm… would she even know how to do that?  She could probably tell me a ton about Dren’s DNA and my low sperm count, but I think the writer may be generalizing the numerous and varying fields of science on this one.

– “Bitches Be Crazy”

The second major theme I took away from Splice. Granted there are only a handful of characters in this movie, but ALL the women are pretty messed up and I don’t know that I’d want to be friends with any of them.

– “Dren The Only Human”

This is more a statement on poor character development.  The movie makes a point to emphasize that Dren ages rapidly, but essentially this just means that when our lead characters express frustration over her poor or unexpected development they appear pretty impatient.  Most of their actions are outlandish and by the end of it all the only one who seemed somewhat justified was Dren, the “creature”.

– “Three Ejaculations”

Pretty self-explanatory. Please note that not all of them are Adrien Brody’s.  Also note that this bullet point is NOT intended to highlight a negative aspect of this film.

– “Should’ve Seen Prince of Persia”

This may have been a little bit of a harsh over reaction, jotted down after immediately stepping out of the theater.  Splice wasn’t terrible but there were several scenes where the audience laughed at stuff clearly not intended to be funny and I don’t really blame them.  It was just too much “meh” for me to recommend.  Plus, you and I both know that I’ll get around to seeing Prince of Persia eventually!